cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
