I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
