So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
