I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
