Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
