you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
