when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
