just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
