Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
