i may or may not be watching the land before time
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
