I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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