i just wanna soil my oats bro
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My vagina is officially offended.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
