I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
