I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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