dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You are a genius and a whore.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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