Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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