I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
