This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
