I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
