he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
