You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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