ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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