even my farts smell like vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
