Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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