now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
