she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
