So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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