My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
