Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All the doctor said was why
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
