He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
