I think my fart just growled at me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
