So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
