I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
