I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
