I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize