You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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