All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
