good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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