It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
