video games are the ultimate cock blocker
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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