Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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