I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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