a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
