is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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