We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Help. Why am I so naked?
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