Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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