When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Randomize
