Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
