If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
