so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
