he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
