why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drunk is not a location!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize