...so i touched it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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