i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
