Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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