Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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