we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
