Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
