Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
