That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize