Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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