Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize