You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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