True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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