Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
