Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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