not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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