At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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