After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize