yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The best revenge is premature balding
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
