Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
