the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
