I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
