I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
