I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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