the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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