Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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