the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
