you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
