I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
