We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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