please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
