either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
