Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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