how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
