Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
