Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
