Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize