Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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