Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
