i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i think i just lost a toe
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
