I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
