im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
