All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
