Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize