I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
