He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
