maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
