just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
