i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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