I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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