Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
