we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
