if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize