i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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